I'm so upset, I'm shaking

I have a job tonight working bartending at a Christmas Party. Being right before Christmas, I could use a little extra cash. So I got ready and when I went to leave, Wade decided that I'm not allowed to take the truck. I don't have my own vehicle right now. Something messed up on it, I bought the parts and seeing as how Wade has his mechanics papers, figured he'd fix it. No such luck. Now it's completely done and I'm stuck on the farm without a way off. My biggest worry is that one of the kids get into an accident and I have no way to get them to the hospital.
You know when you are so upaet that your heart races and you get the shakes? That's what I have right now. Writing this is helping. But thank god I have good friends. The other girl I'm working with is coming to pick me up. But it's WAY out of her way to come here. She does things like this all the time for me. I'm lucky to have a friend as good as her.
All my friends tell me to leave him, but then I'd likely lose the farm and I need this place to keep me sane. I keep hoping they'll call him to go to work soon. Usually he leaves in November, but it was a warm early winter, so the rigs he hauls haven't started up yet. They need frozen ground where they put them. Thanks for listening again.

I am so sorry to hear this! Glad you were able to find a ride though.

In regards to wade... all I can say is (IMO) it seems he is more treating you like his child rather than his partner. Quite unfair I think.

I wont say anymore in regards to that, as the older more experienced members I think have more to offer you in the advice department when it comes to this type of stuff.

I hope things work out for you.... And just remember we're all always here for you when you need us. And you have my number if ya ever want to chat.

Remember this saying - " Be who you are and say what you feel, because those that matter don't mind, and those that mind, Dont matter."

You know, since the boys got big, I have a saying now to Rick when he gets out of hand... either shut up (or whatever is going on), or me and the boys are fixing to take you behind the barn and beat the mess out of you (not exact words, but you get the drift.)

You need a plan, and here's the plan. I've been where you are before, and I know mentally you feel down, feel like you're worthless, that you can't do anything right - WELL, HE'S WRONG! You're fixing to have to get tough, look in the mirror and find your heart, know that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to - in other words, you need to get mean. The words HE** HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN'S SCORN needs to be in your mind at all times!

You need to start slimming the herd, and when they come and pick them up, make sure they have cash in hand, and make danged sure HE ISN'T THERE when they come and get the horse. Take 1/2 of that money and put it away. If you put it in an account, it can't be in your name, nor do not put it in the bank where he has his account. If you can, give it to your parents to hold for you in a jar or whatever.

Next, any money that he gives you, take out $20 and hide it somewhere. In the meantime, any note that you have in your name, whatsoever, needs to get paid off ASAP or in other words, get your credit cleared up. Not sure what the rules are in Canada, but you need to find out.

Next, you get a job somewhere, anything! If you're getting paid $10 an hour, you only let him know that you're getting $8 or $7, whichever. You sock the difference away, plus you're making your own money. With that money, you get a good reliable $3,000 PAID-OFF VEHICLE - make sure it's PAID OFF!!!! and it's reliable!

And you start planning to get the HE** out of there! There are tons and tons of places that you can rent, I'm sure, maybe not in the same town, but there are places, if you look hard enough. The point is, at some point, you'll get tired and sick to death of this mess, and you'll do something. Until you get sick and tired of it, you won't. You not only have to think about yourself and your sanity, but also your son's. It isn't fair for him to have to put up with what's going on in the house.

What's funny is... so few men like this never realize until it's too late, that they're actually better off, financially, of keeping their freaking trap shut and be a man and a father, rather than divorcing. Because once you're divorced, uh, you know that property you're living on, he has to buy your half out of it, and uh, guess how much child support he's fixing to pay! Course I'm not up on Canadian laws, but I"d danged sure find out what he'd owe me if it came to divorce.

Personally, I'd pull a Willie Nelson ex-wife scenario, and sew him up in a sheet, with all my stuff already gone, and get the lounge whip and beat the living snot out of him.... or you can always pull a Ms. Bobbett.... HA! No, don't do that, then you'd go to jail... but he danged sure deserves it in my book!

Credars, I couldnt of said it better myself. Your in our thoughts and prayers. We are all here if you need us.

Thank you for your support. The bartending job went great. It was the first time I ever did it, turns out I'm really good at it. There were a lot of people there, but we kept up and I remebered what a lot of them drank, so I had stuff ready when they got to me. I was told we are wanted back next year. Several guys told me how great they thought we were doing. It really boosted my confidence.
I got home at noon today. Part of the deal was that we got free drinks. My friend took that to heart. The cops made her blow in a breathalizer before we went anywhere and called us a taxi to get to her place. She lives in another town, so we had to find a ride back to her truck this morning. But not till we watched some Bob Avila videos. lol. Wade never made a comment about when I came home. Which is almost a bad thing, cause I was set to blow. If I'd had our truck, I'd have been home by 3:30 or 4 am. I only had 4 drinks the whole night, I could have driven, but the cop made a big deal about the taxi already being called. And he didn't even make me blow to see if I was sober. But whatever, I had lots of fun and Wade was stuck at home with the kids.
Wade is currently looking for a second truck. I'm gonna try to get it put in my name. I spent a pile of time putting ads on the internet for my horses. Hopefully some will sell. I've already set up things with my mom to help me save some money. Plus Wade has said if I want the farm, I'll can have it. I'll have to make the payments on it, but they should only be on half what we paid for it, cause legally it's half mine. Of course, he was terribly drunk when he said it, but I'm sure I'll be able to keep it if I really work for it.
As to getting a job, I have been looking. The only thing is daycare. Sean starts kindergarten every second day next year, but daycare will still be an issue. The odds are that Wade won't help pay for it. With my last job, my daycare got more of my check than I did. Plus gas and other car expenses. But once Brennen turns twelve and Sean is in grade one, I can pay Brennen a bit to watch his brother and sister. That will really make a difference. From over $40 a day to maybe $5.
So, for now I'm gonna stick it out, but work on my back up plan.

You'll get there. Just got to get mean, get a budget, and for goodness sakes, you keep those shoulders back, chin up, eyes narrowed, you're going in to battle, and you fight like hell! Not literally, but you get my meaning.

You might have to make some sacrifices, as far as the horses, but you have a ton of living ahead of you, and plenty of time to recoup later, and even have better stock next time - which is what I did. Keep that prize in your mind.

Well, here's a thought. Daycare - get a job at a daycare - that would solve that problem. Might not be as much, but anything is better than nothing, plus you'll be with your kids. Also, think about something you can do at home - what do you love doing most of all, besides horses, that you can do at home - sewing, laundry, cleaning houses (where you can take young'uns with you) - there's all sorts of options, just got to dig deep, get friends and family to help you figure out what you're good at, get them to give you some ideas. Dad just the other day gave me a great idea for youngest a new job, and they're wiping up in selling firewood. Youngest complains sometimes, but I'm a cracking that whip... HA!

You feel free to holler at me any time. You sit down and figure out what you want, what it's going to take to do it, and go after it like nothing else! Try to make sure anything you buy, you pay for in cash, if at all possible!!!

Or you can always send Wade down to Texas and we'll take care of it down here... HA!

Maybe you should tell him, WHEN MOMMA AINT HAPPY, NO ONE IS HAPPY! So he doenst want Momma unhappy.

I told him that I was using the truck on Wednesday to take Brennen and a few kids from his class to their "field trip". They are going to a movie rather than doing gift exchange. I didn't ask. I just told him I was driving and I be using the truck. He asked what time everything was, but nothing else was said.
And he's been on the internet looking for extended cab Dodge trucks. He'll be leaving right after Christmas to go to work, so I'll need one. Doesn't excuse his behavior though. I won't pretend it does.
Last night I also asked what our Christmas plans were. He said we're going to his parents. I asked when we were going to my parents, his immediate reply was we went there every year. Umm, no. The kids and I go every year. Usually before, so I do my Christmas shoping in a city with a variety of stores and not a town with two. He came once with us on Christmas Eve after I pitched a fit. 6 years in a row now we'll have spent Christmas with them.
But he told me was got the call to go work on the rigs and will be leaving right after Christmas. Apparantly I can go see my family then. So the kids have to wait for their presents, what does he care.
At least he'll be gone and we'll have at least 3 weeks where we never see him and don't have to talk to him if we don't want to.

You know Hun, Your allowing yourself to be the victum here, Stand up for yourself, and your family. Mercy, dont do as I did, do as I say! Differant twist on words here. Start sticking money back, Sneek it. Hide it away, I dont care if its 20 here, 50 there, hide it. So you will have a nest egg. Plan this out, make a plan. So IF you feel this is you only choice, you are ready.
Be smart about it. So when you ready, if need be, you can take control.

You Go, 7 Ceders!

What happens if you stand up to him? If you say nothing, you are allowing him to think that his behavior is okay. Silent treatment won't work, men definitely aren't mind readers.

If it were me, I would put my foot down tell him that things *are* going to change. First I would start off by telling him that to be fair, you will spend every other Christmas (the actual day) with your family and that he *will* go. I'd also tell him that unless you get a new truck, the truck you have now, will be shared.

I agree with 7cedars and triple J. Put money away, I would send money to your parents, so that it's not even in your name. If he isn't willing to change and stop being so controlling, you should start making a solid plan to do something else. Marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship. If he truly loves you and wants to be a good husband and father, he'll be sensitive to the needs of you and the kids.

I've now got a plan. Mom's starting a trust account, one that's not in my name. I will send money every chance I get. When I stand up to him he pulls a sulk like a little kid. No changes. Except that I'm bloody well taking the truck Wednesday if I have to rope him and duct tape him to the couch.
I tried to tell him we were going to my family for Christmas and he said we'd already told his mom we'd be there. Really, well I don't remember saying that. I've never liked her.
Usually we go to his parents for Christmas cause it takes him 15-17 hours to drive home from work. Plus 4 to Winnipeg, back to home, then another 15-17 hours back to work. I can understand him not wanting another 8 hours in a vehicle. Still doesn't make it fair. I'm thinking of phoning his mom and telling her we can't make it and telling my grandmother that we'll be coming there. But if I don't have my own truck by then and he balks, I can't drag a guy who weighs more than a hundred pounds more than I do anywhere.

All I can say is that you only get one go around in this life. If you are not happy and stay that way then it's too bad for you. The day will come when there is no starting over.. This is when it is too late. Decide if this is what you are worth and want or do some thing else.. I have no problem admitting that I have started over many times and it's not as hard as you think. I just kept going until it was right for me. Took me 39 years to get there and was worth every minute of it..

Reiningfan, I think you'll do fine. You're already making great strides. You've got to stay focused, get a plan, and stick with it. And get just flat MEAN! I think the words HE** hath no fury like a woman's scorn is fixing to hit somebody slap in the middle of the head... tehe!