So mad I could scream

Brennen and I were planning on doing a bunch of open shows this year, but my truck had the brakes go on it and even though Wade is a mechanic, he wouldn't fix them. He also wouldn't let me use our good truck, going so far as to take all the keys and lock the doors. Plus, my truck is a regular cab, so even if I did risk taking it, bringing all 3 kids with me is illegal. His truck is an extended cab.
So we gave up on the middle of July shows and planned for 2 close shows. One was Wednesday, yesterday, the other is tomorrow. Once again, can't use the truck. He's not planning on using it, but neither can I. I'm mad as heck (not the words I'm really thinking). But I'm more upset for Brennen, who has worked so hard to get his horses ready. If Wade had said no, we couldn't use the truck in the beginning, it'd be one thing, but he said "we'll see". Which gave Brennen hope. And he wouldn't even say no when I asked him. He said "I don't think so". I responded by saying that wasn't an answer, it was either yes or no, but that I don't think so wasn't a real answer.
And then I was playing with his laptop and found out that we have wireless internet on it again. We don't have normal internet or even long distance (a control thing, so I got myself a cel phone), but we have wireless. So I'm using it and not letting on that I know. I go to the public library in town on the 2 days a week it's open to use the internet, then I find out we have it at home.
Sorry about the rant, but slamming pots and pans while I do the dishes (while he's on the phone to his parents) wasn't quite good enough.

Men .

Thats all I can say.

there are the days you just want to castrate the bunch of them (often with a rust pocket knife ) ... I can't complain mine has been wonderful lately, so supportive and helpful but it is a mine field at home waiting for the baby he knows Im on my last nerve so he has been on his best behavior... vent all you want here that is what we are here for.

I know exactly how you feel. My husband isn't the least bit intrested in horses...or what I do with them. He spends a freek'n fortune on his hobbies....Name it....He's had it. His latest is his motorcycle. He barely mentioned wanting one....I said we could talk about it.....That night he came home with a brand new Vulcan!!!!!!! He's lied to me several times about how much it cost. He's put thousands into up-grading it over the past year. That sucker even has GPS!!!!!!!! Last Saturday he came home with a freeking tatto!!!!!!! A skull, no less!!!!!!! I know that bike will be just like all of his otherr hobbies.....His intrest seems to last about a year and a half. I haven't seen my dining room table in over 2 years!!!!!!!! It's covered with RC car parts, tools, and magazines. There are 4 nitro cars on the bedroom floor....covered with dust. He lost intrest in them just over a year ago. He has thousands of dollars invested in them. Every time I ask him if he could clean off the table, he gets pissed.

Wade used to ride with us, not interested in showing, but now he rides 4 times a year. When we mark trail for the 4-H trail rides in spring and fall, and when we run the ride. And he has been using one of Brennen's horses. His is a great big red roan QH/draft cross. I started him as a 2 year old. He rode him less than 1/2 dozen times last year, none this year. But when Wade gets pissy about something, watch out. I just got Pep (one of our studs) sold for mucho dollars, so I was expecting to be able to do some stuff, but no. Last night my mom phoned and told me to get a quote on fixing my truck. Enough was enough. He's not happy about it. My whole family thinks he's a jerk about this.
The guy who is buying Pep isn't a big fan of Wade, so he's sending the check in my name (Pep's jointly owned). I am getting a mare and a broodmare prospect. wether he likes it or not. He spends over 6 thousand dollars a year on cigarettes and booze, so what I spend is nothing.

Ooowee, I don't even know what to say. I think of tons of ways to take care of this, but then that would be what I'd do... you don't state if you have your own job, with your "own money" sort of thing, but not letting you take the truck is just totally absurd! Maybe his dirty clothes need to pile up in the corner somewhere... maybe you and the kids need to hurry up and eat BEFORE he comes home, maybe... I think you get the drift.

I can tell ya what I'd do with those pots and pans I was slamming around - it'd go up somebody's head.

Time to put those hands on your hip, stand your ground, and lay down the law... and if he doesn't like it... well, don't let the door hit you on the way out! Might out to that that money you get for that horse and give it to your parents, for a "just in case" fund...

Ooowee, Rick's head would be on a stick if he pulled something like that! Ooweee!

Girl Girl, I ve been down this road and IM GOING TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!

TripleJ, you might want to tell her you're no longer married to said S*B!

7Cedars I couldn't agree more, I know what I'd do with those pots and pans if Lewis tried something like that!!!

Glad you were able to vent here, marriage is a partnership, sounds like your husband needs to learn that.

My husband was intrested in horses for a couple of years. (he was born and raised on a ranch in Greeley, Co...and his dad is a saddle builder) I used to do a lot of competetive trail. He whined that he didn't want to stay home with the kids. I figured he'd want to go fishing while I rode. Nope!!!!! He wanted to ride!!!!! Keep in mind that he really didn't know how to ride. I put him on my old Bold Ruler gelding. I had to babysit him and the horses all weekend!!!!!!!! So....When the awards were announced.....He got freek'n 2nd place in the heavyweight division!!!!!!! And the horse fell to his knees on some shale. (I got skunked) That started it. I spent the last of the money my mother left me, $3,000.00, for a horse for him. I had 8, and none of them were good enough for him. He lost intrest shortly after my little reining mare flipped over backwards on him, totally pulverizing his right leg. It was so bad, they nearly amputated it. He's got a bunch of steel holding his leg together. (I told him not to pull the reins)

I work night-shift at WM so I can keep my horses. I know that I'll always have money for hay, vet bills, or what-ever I want.

Triple J Quarter Horses wrote:

Girl Girl, I ve been down this road and IM GOING TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!

ummmmmm Thats why I said I was going to keep my Mouth Shut before I started to compare Apples To Apples!. Ill be nice... yep, Ah Ha. Just tell me to HUSH!

Sheila, I love the way you think. I've been doing laundry all day, but not one stitch of his clothes and last night the kids and I sat and ate. He came into the kitchen and nobody had set him a place. I tried once to dye his clothes pink, but turns out that red food coloring doesn't work.
Brennen, who keep in mind is only ten, asked him if he was still going to camp. This camp is one where you bring your own horse, so I can see what he was thinking. But Wade told him he'd still bring him, so that's a relief. Poor Brennen was pretty worried. He's been looking forward to camp for a few months.
I found a guy who'll fix my truck for a reasonable price, so that's a start. And no, I no longer have my own job and source of income. I had one, but what with the cost of child care, I couldn't afford to work. I was working my butt of for no income. I'm looking into courses that I can take so that I can get myself a decent paying job.

Ya...I'm lucky that my kids are grown. I remember what it was like when they were little. I was forced to work nights because the babysitter made more money than me.

OK....I'm going to make a confession. This is awful, I know. My husband really pissed me off with his attitude....about 7 yrs ago. So....Every morning, for about 2 weeks, I put a Provera pill in the coffee pot. (in the grounds) He sure got a sweet disposition real quick. Oh Gawd....I can't stop laughing just thinking about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LMAO

See, now this is why I'm picky about who I date, especially who I get serious with. I'm one of those women that wears the pants, almost always. If it were any other way, I'm afraid I'd be using that shot gun my daddy taught me to use. I think this is the reason my dad taught me to work on my own vechicles, pull my own trailers, and not be afraid to put men in their place... I think he may regret it a little now, I've been putting him in his place since I was ten lol.

Honestly though, that's a little absurd that Wade's acting like that. Ya know, red food color won't work, but the bleach can always accidentally end up in his colors, or in his jeans. If you want to get real mean, slip some of that tasteless / colorless medimucil (sp????) in his food or drink... (and by some, I mean a lot.). I've done that a few times and I never get tired of it lol. Good luck with your truck though, I hope you both get to hit some shows, I know it would mean a lot to Brennen...

Wade cleaned out the deposits in his coffee maker with vinegar. So after he had rinsed it out with water twice, I put a couple of tablespoons of vinegar back into resevoir. Can't even imagine what that coffee tasted like.
When we were first together, he was a nice guy who liked to make me happy. I had my own vehicle and trailer and a decent paying job (AI tech in a pig barn). We ended up seling my trailer, which was a bumper hitch and a real heavy sucker to pull. Because he was partnered with his dad and brother in law on their PMU farm and already had a 12' and 16' gooseneck trailer, we were gonna put the money towards a trailer to pull with our semi. But I bought a mare instead, cause from what I heard his mom say, regardless that it was my money paying for a third of the trailer, it wouldn't be considered mine at all. Seeing as how we had just moved in together, I decided the mare was my better option. And it was. I still have her and she produces wonderful babies.
Then I got bad sinus infections, which I had never had before, and ended up quitting my job, right about the time I found out I was pregnant with Sean. I did work last summer, but only 16 hours a week as a pasture rider. But at least I got out of the house. And Brennen came and rode with me while Taegan and Sean rode in the semi with Wade while he gravelled roads.
But now I am definately going to try to go back to school. In fact, my mom has offered to help me out with schooling costs if Wade wont help (he makes too much for me to get a student loan).
I can haul my own trailer, change a tire, the oil, and make minor repairs, but replacing brake rotors and calipers on a 4x4 is a little more than I can accomplish. My ex was kept in his place, maybe I should never havr gotten rid of him. lol

Reining Fan, you sound like a smart woman who knows what she's up against. So many woman in situations with controlling men don't have a clue what they are up against and are powerless (which is , of course, what their husbands wanted). And sounds like you have the support of your mother to help you. I feel sorry for your kids though, because it is hard having mind games like that played on the unsuspecting and trusting children. But you sound as if you are protecting them from as much as you can.
Don't know what the divorce laws are like in Canada, and I don't mean to put ideas in your head, but sounds like he has enough money to get you by while you are getting some more job skills.
You said he spent over 6000 thousand dollars a year on cigarettes and booze. That works out to about 17 or 18 dollars a day which sounds like quite a habit!!! Perhaps if he got some help with his addictions, he might not be so controlling.
Anyway, jmho, but remember you can always vent here. We support you 100 percent!!!

PMU farm? I think it's more than appropriate to slip him a hearty dose of Premarin or Provera every day. It would be ironically priceless.

First off, I would like to thank each one of you for my first laugh of the day with my cup of coffee! Okay, some of you have definitely got one up on me... and danged sure more sneakier! HA! I don't do well in the sneaky department, I just go head-to-toe type of thing.

Reiningfan, let me tell you a story... once a long time ago, I'd had enough... Rick was always gone, come home maybe 2 weekends out of the month, and this is when the boys were very young... we had to clean house before he got home, or he'd come in throwing a wall-eyed fit - the boys remember this specifically. We (I) had to have everything looking nice, as in the horse, yard, barns, horses, etc... all the time while I've got the national contract with USDA for court reporting and raising 2 very young boys... well, one time he came in and bitched because I hadn't rolled up the waterhose... that did it... just that one small thing made me come unhinged! But I kept my mouth shut. I started making plans... within a year, he went elk hunting with his brothers in Colorado, I loaded up the horses, the furniture, the boys, and we went south... with $20 cash in my pocket, and that was it...to this day, if anybody says anything about rolling up a waterhose, they're fixing to get the wholly crap beat out of 'em - I ain't joking. We were separated for two years. He did his thing, I did mine...loved him, but hated him, if that makes any sense.

Even though my grandmother and mother instilled independence and being strong in me at a very young age, especially my grandmother who was unbelievably strong, the men I've been around my entire life is what made me what I am today... I have one priority - that priority is my sons. And I'm sure you all know, the one thing NOBODY messes with is my sons. I have had to be everything, provider, mother, wife, maid, babysitter, business owner, cook... just like we all have. In my circumstance, I never had a partner. I do now since we have an understanding... but cross that line, and buddy, that'll be all she wrote! Of course, you get stronger as you get older. When I have a problem, I worry about it for 2 days (that's the longest I'll give myself), cry about it, then you sit down, figure out a solution, hands on hips, feet planted firmly, chin square out, and by gosh, this is the way it's going to be - not so much for your sake, but for the kids. Now, they have a choice... to work with or get the he*l out!

Reiningfan, just think of this... can you imagine the amount of child support he'd have to pay if you left him... HA! (not trying to encourage this, but an option in your mind there)...

I think Bill Ingrall or whatever his name is said it all... we're all sitting at the table, fixing to eat, my wife says, okay, we need to have a talk. Bill tells the kids to put their forks down, because Mom is fixing to lose her mind. Yep, it's called a come to Jesus meeting... and it'd be in everyone's best interests to be a team player instead of a selfish **&^%$#@!.

And people wonder why I'm so hard on my boys... by GAWD, if they end up being like their Dad in his younger years, I've told 'em and told 'em, I don't care how old or big you are, I'll beat the living snot out of you!

And I'll tell you a new rule that I instilled oh, 3 or so months ago... because we all (all of us here - Rick, me, Trent and Dillon) want certain things, and I'm the one that can make the difference money-wise in the family, I set some rules. Rick has his jobs; Trent has his; Dillon has his, and by gosh the only thing Mom does is... work, feed (with help at noon and in the evenings), start clothes, and cook - that's it! Zip!

We're all team players. If one isn't playing right or fair, well, then guess what...

The most important job that I will ever have is raising my boys to become hard-working gentlemen... and I take that job very, very seriously!

Wow, Shiela, I never knew that you and Rick had seperated. Glad you guys worked things out, because you seem to be doing well now. I know you love your boys more than anything, glad you realized that from the start, when you have kids, they ARE your life, the things that you do affect them, and the things you don't, so to speak. I think you know why I won't let men push me around, after stuff that went on when I was younger. It's hard to find guys around that can handle my super strong personality and overly zealous sense of independense. But I tell you, the day that I let a man push me around is the day hell freezes over, I'm a no nonsense kind of person. If I can do it, they can do it. That goes for cooking, cleaning, everything.... I'm not sure when exactly I became so hard on men, but it's one of my things that just stuck, and it's lodged in there real good. Tyler and I get along real good, we have a simple understanding. When we live together, every decision to be made about purchases, life changes, etc... has to be talked about and agreed upon. I will have my horses, which should be able to support themselves, but I WILL have my horses, no ifs ands or butts. I think I'm really demanding, I don't have an easy time of compromising (sp?) and I'm not really sure how Tyler puts up with me, but, when I broke up with him, he clawed his way back into my life, which I never thought would happen, so here we are today, planning on getting married later.

HUM, I will not say much on this subject.. I will say I have been around a long time and not married to this wonderful man I am married to now..

First of all... If you are going to put up with that you need to get your poo together and show him you do not need him. You can get this all done with out him. He is in control and that is the way he likes it.. And he is if you let him. So, show him he is not.. He will either get on board with his family or his family will move on without him. PERIOD...

YOU GO GIRL

PS Silverbuckles, they all start out the same way.. At your age you need to find yourself and know you do not need a man in your life to be complete or happy.. That is the key to not getting trapped...

BJ...I agree with you. My husband and I have been married for 31yrs. I sometimes find myself wondering what my life would be like if I had said "no". My husband has never seen our kids ride at a show. He's always refused to go. He's been a huge part of me not showing for so many years. I remember one time..... I had a nice mare who ran barrels in a soild 17, on a loose rein. I had a chance to compete in a race with $10,000 added. He threw a stink-fit!!!!!!! He said that if I went one time, I'd be gone all the time. It's a matter of control.

I'm sure my husband hides stuff from me....But I'd be real concerned why a guy would hide internet service. MY first reation would be to raise holy hell....But then you don't know how he'll react. He just may go bonkers.

Just remember it is easy to offer advice from across a computer when you don't have anything invested. I am sure it is another thing to be in the relationship with kids etc... we need to remember to be supportive and not judgemental. I for one want her to be able to come here and vent w/o feeling like people are judging her for not picking up and leaving when maybe that isn't the best option right now. Doesn't mean she doesn't love her kids and family or isn't a strong woman sometimes strong women make hard choices. Just a thought.

I am so sorry to hear that things are not going well at home. I was in a relationship like this many years ago. This sounds so familiar. He was a total control freak.
I wish we were closer to help you, but remember, we are all here for you.
Do you have anything that maybe you can do from out of the house. Any type of computer or typing skills, photos, resume writing, etc??? Every little bit helps to get you started in the direction of becoming self supportive again. Just make sure and maybe put it in a separate account to keep it safe.
Best of luck to you.