How's this for the email? **I NEED INPUT!!*UPDATED BELOW

Ok I need to email Cisco's old owner so that if she isn't interested people can start looking at him. here's what I typed up and idk what else to add or remove...need you guys expertese!


Hey Joni,

I'm sure you've heard from Jordan or Lyle that we are moving to Arizona. We were planning on taking the horses with us but we have had a change of plans and we are going to sell them. I know you were wanting to buy Cisco back so I am going to give you first dibs on him. He has changed a lot since I have gotten him and is much more of a show horse now. He has a lot more energy too. I don't know how much you are planning on riding him but he really needs to get out almost every day at least and worked. He gets very hyper if he doesn't get out a lot now since he is used to being ridden every day. I have worked with him all winter and I would like to finish him up this summer and sell him after the fair. I am going to ask $3000 for him just because he has gotten so much better and after doing some research on how much horses are going for I think that is a resonable price for the level he is trained at for showing. He is going to make an outstanding halter horse for showmanship and he should do really well in pleasure too. I was going to get him started on cutting because I can already tell he has the "want" to do cutting but the guy I was going to get help from is not going to be here this summer. He has also been worked with a lot on games.

If you would like to buy him back you are welcome too. You can email be back, I check this a lot and its easier for me. I am pretty busy lately and not very easy to get a hold of on the phone.

Thanks!
Sara

I'm sure you've heard from Jordan or Lyle that we are moving to Arizona. We were planning on taking the horses with us but we have had a change of plans and we are going to sell them. I know you were wanting to buy Cisco back so I am going to give you first dibs on him.

How about first opportunity instead of dibs.

He has changed a lot since I have gotten him and is much more of a show horse now.

He has more experience in the show ring now, is considered to be more of a seasoned show horse. Ready to move you into to new areas of the show ring.


He has a lot more energy too. I don't know how much you are planning on riding him but he really needs to get out almost every day at least and worked. He gets very hyper if he doesn't get out a lot now since he is used to being ridden every day.

(personally, I'd leave this part out, you are trying to sell him as a all around prospect. Showmanship and western pleasure folks DO NOT want to hear the words, HYPER or MORE ENGERY...)

If anything you might want to say, "he is conditioned to preform in the showring now, he has been rode and his training was continuted threw out the winter.

I have worked with him all winter and I would like to finish him up this summer and sell him after the fair. I will be advertizing him at the fair

His asking price will be $3000.00. He has gained so much experience and he is being sold as a Youth horse with the knowledge to carry you into the amauter Division as well, his age will allow many more years of ribbons and enjoyment.

I am going to ask $3000 for him just because he has gotten so much better and after doing some research on how much horses are going for I think that is a resonable price for the level he is trained at for showing.

He is going to make an outstanding showmanship at halter and he should do really well in pleasure as well. He is All Around horse with the will to do what is asked him and enjoys being shown. No vices in the show ring. He enjoys his job.

I was going to get him started on cutting because I can already tell he has the "want" to do cutting but the guy I was going to get help from is not going to be here this summer. He has also been worked with a lot on games. ( you might want to omit this part. You are trying to promote him in to many areas. Stick to what he knows and promote there. To say, he is a pleasure prospect , the say he is a gaming horse would be a kiss of death. )

If you would like to buy him back you are welcome too. You can email be back, I check this a lot and its easier for me. I am pretty busy lately and not very easy to get a hold of on the phone.

I knew how much you enjoyed him and knew you would like the opportunity to purchase him first. Threw many hours of riding and training he has gained so much experience. I know you would enjoy him as much as I have. I am so busy at this time and am hard to reach. I do take time to check my email as often as possible I will look forward to hearing from you.




* Heres a few changes Id make, Of corse it's only a few suggestions,
dont say anything negitive about him while they were they owner... Do make not any comment that is negitive. Assume they want to buy him back, Dont ask. Do not put a question of dought in there minds. Good Luck,*

Great suggestions from Triple J... I can't add much but 2nd her recommendations...

I would however start with Dear Joni not Hey Joni.... just a bit more respectful coming from a teenager to an adult starts with a better tone....

Id leave out the cutting part that is a whole nother ball game and gaming as well you are saying too much about him saying a horse has potential is ok if they are under 2.... but once they are under saddle stick to what you are currently doing with them.. you have worked hard on the pleasure and showmanship be proud about it. If you have ridden him on the trails I think that would be ok to include.
Good luck I hope you have a great summer with him and enjoy your time... remember his sale price/value in the fall may drop a little bit.. it is always easier to get more money in the spring early summer than in the fall because of situations like you have people are trying to sell and not have to feed etc... at the end of summer....

I agree with Lynn and TripleJ... leave out part of it, don't explain yourself, just tell it like it is, except the hyper part... HA! No options... it's either here he is or I'm going to sell him.

Ok thanks a bunch guys, I'll try get her email tonight and email her hopefully tomorrow. I really need to get this done.

Do you think that I can sell him and someone would be willing to wait until after July 15th or would I have to sell him and just forget about the fair?

I of course want to get the most I can so selling him as soon as possible would be the best idea I think. I just would really like to do the fair and a show or two before that. What do you guys think?

Our fair is mid August but you have to sign up by June 1st or you can't be in it so I know several people who have signed their horse up and then sold it in the meantime but retained the right to show it at fair, because the new owner can't show anyway because they weren't signed up. You could just stipulate that in the contract of sale and hopefully they would be agreeable.

I would think that most folks spending that much for a horse would prefer to use the horse that they purchase. If he were qualified for the world or on a Congress team, deals are made around that.

Ok, well If Joni wants him back I'll ask her, I know she won't show him ever so she's not going to want him for the fair, and its to late for that anyways, you had to be signed up a couple weeks ago. I'll put that in there and say that if needed he can go before that.

**UPDATED ONE** hows this?




Dear Joni,

I'm sure you've heard from Jordan or Lyle that we are moving to Arizona. We were planning on taking the horses with us but we have had a change of plans, and now we are going to sell them. I know you were wanting to buy Cisco back so I am going to give you the first opportunity for him. He has more experience in the show ring now, is considered to be more of a seasoned show horse. He is ready to move you into to new areas of the show ring. He is conditioned to perform in the show ring now, he has been rode and his training was continued throughout the winter.

His asking price will be $3000.00. He has gained so much experience and he is being sold as an advanced youth horse with the knowledge to carry you into the amauter division as well, his age will allow many more years of ribbons and enjoyment. If at all possible if you want him, I would like to keep him until after the fair so I can show him there and that will put more showing experience on him also.

He is going to make an outstanding showmanship at halter and he should do really well in pleasure as well. He is an all around horse with the will to do what is asked him and enjoys being shown. No vices in the show ring. He enjoys his job.
If you would like to buy him back you are welcome too. You can email be back, I check this a lot and its easier for me. I am pretty busy lately and not very easy to get a hold of on the phone.

I know how much you enjoyed him and know you would like the opportunity to purchase him first. Through many hours of riding and training he has gained so much experience. I know you will enjoy him as much as I have. I am so busy at this time and am hard to reach. I do take time to check my email as often as possible I will look forward to hearing from you.


Thanks!
Sara

Okay, let me help you out here:

I'm sure you've heard we are moving to Arizona. We were planning on taking the horses with us, but had a change of plans, and now we are selling them. I know you were wanting to buy Cisco back, if the opportunity came up. He has more experience in the show ring now and is considered to be a seasoned show horse, and is ready to move you into new areas in the show ring. He has been rode and his training was continued through the winter.

His price is $3000. He has gained so much experience and is being sold as an advanced youth horse with the knowledge to carry you into the amauter division as well. His age will allow many more years of ribbons and enjoyment. If at all possible, I would like to keep him until after the fair so I can show him and that will put even more show experience on him.

He is becoming outstanding at showmanship at halter and should do well in pleasure. He is an all around horse with the will to do what is asked of him and enjoys being shown. No vices in the show ring and enjoys his job.

If you would like to buy him back, you can email be back. I am pretty busy lately and am not always available by phone.

I know how much you enjoyed him and would like the opportunity to purchase him first. Through many hours of riding and training, he has gained so much experience. I know you will enjoy him as much as I have.



There ya go, there's your letter. Sorry, just now got to really look at it.

Thanks a bunch Sheila, I saved it as that and am still trying to get her email. I had it and then lost it so I sent her son a message.

I'd put "you can e-mail me back" instead of "you can e-mail be back" LOL but you are talking to the world's worst typist here!!!

haha yah I fixed that!

Well I emailed her tonight, so hopefully I can get a reply tomorrow.

A family came out and looked at my sisters horse tonight, I think they're going to buy him, they seem really nice, there was I think 6 kids here and they all rode and the mom did too, she even jumped him. I wasn't allowed to go out there haha but she's selling him for $1200 I think and they're going to call next week.

Dangumit, Stockman, you caught me! Heck, I thought I proofread that!

See, that's what happens when you're on your first cup of coffee and Rick's over here blabbering at me!!!!