Guy Help

Ok... so I dont want to start something here, but I need a bit of help...

I broke up with my bf about 3 weeks ago. After that, I started talking to this one guy who sits behind me in one of my classes. Lets call him Jake. So Jake here is a roper. And it turns out that he likes me too and I like him. The only thing is, Jake gets talked about at school a lot. People say hes a man whore (to put it mildly). But I know for a fact he is not. Well since I started talking to him, people have started talking about me. And as it turnes out, my friend Sarah is mad at me for talking to him because she hates him. Some of my other friends hate him also... Well lately Ive been called blind for liking Jake. But the thing is, if I go out with him, Im afraid Im going to lose some friends just because they dont like him because of the stuff they heard about him. Does anyone have any kind of ideas? I am willing to accept just about anything...

Well, a couple of things I can think of at this point...first, you need to find out why everybody thinks he's a "man-whore". Is it because he's dated a lot of girls, or because he's "done it" with a lot of girls. If it's because he's dated - who cares! If it's because he's "done it" - then run the other way as fast as you can.

High school is tough - always has been, always will be. You get into that he said/she said and peer pressure, and people literally crumble. Second, if he's labeled that way, then you'll be labeled that way. Not fair, but that's the way it is.

As far as your friends, uh, well, if I had a friend tell me, well, I'm not going to be your friend anymore (immature bull crap) because you like so and so, what kind of friend is she? As far as I'm concerned, you need to tell X friend, that either she's your friend through thick and thin, or she needs to hit the road - PERIOD!

On the other hand, sometimes friends do see more than what you yourself see - however, a true friend will stay by your side through thick and thin, to congratulate or to help you pick up the pieces.

One thing I will say is, if this guy drinks, does drugs, or has already had sex - you need to run away as fast as you can! You can also tell how somebody is by the company they keep - does he run with guys and girls that do the above? If he does, then more than likely, he does, too. If he doesn't, then some, usually a very revengeful ex-girlfriend, has put the label on him, and stupid people believed it.

I can't tell you what to do, because I don't know this guy, can't see him, can't judge him. What about your parents, have they met him, and if not, why not? If so, how do they feel about him?

Give you a perfect scenario. There's a girl that's getting a little too friendly with Dillon... this particular girl used to date a wild child (boy)... and I'm talking wild child here! And she dated him for a long time. So that tells me, as a parent, number one she's fast, she's done a whole lot more than she should've at her age, and she's probably still doing things she shouldn't be doing. Needless to say, I nipped that in the bud real quick!!!

Another scenario - one of my friend's daughters was dating a labeled guy. At some point, her daughter said, you know, everybody thinks I'm doing X with him, but I'm not... her mother told her that because she runs with somebody like that, that she's labeled that way, whether she's doing X or not. Uh, that deal didn't last very long...

I think I'd get to know this guy, be a friend at this point, let your parents meet him, if they haven't already, you meet his parents - see if your lifestyles are similar, and I mean, all the way around - very important there! And if things are okay, you don't or FEEL IN YOUR GUT that something's wrong, then you should be okay. DO NOT, AND I REPEAT, DO NOT GET PRESSURED INTO SOMETHING.... as far as your "friends"... well, take the high road on that and pick better friends!!!! Truthfully, doesn't matter whether they're right or wrong, the point is, they should stand beside you, thick or thin; and if they're rude to him, well, they need to look in the danged mirror!

But I'd say take it slow - introduce him to your parents, see what they think - and open your eyes, pay attention, listen to what your gut is saying!

The one thing I wanted to mention is that reputations do usually stem from somewhere, so if he has a reputation as a man whore, I'd sure be wondering where and why he got that from...

Last year I was friends with the girl he dated and she was labeled a whore. Then he started dating a lot of girls. He wasnt "doing it", just dating.

As for Sarah, I told her that. But I need time...

And he will be meeting my parents soon. Ive met his, but we arent officially "together" yet. And I just wanna take it slow.

Hes kool... I mean I like him too, so I wanna try it with him. Anyway, thanks for the advice so far. Its a big help

When I was in high school, two of my friends started acting pretty wild. One of our group was a tried and true good girl. She started getting called all sorts of names simply due to who she was friends with. I wasn't too wild, I'll admit to having a drink or two at parties, but I was already older than you by then. We ended up splitting up into two groups of friends. I stayed with the good girls. The wild girls got to the point where they were getting drunk and dancing on tables and stripping at parties. Even though the other 4 of us no longer hung around with them, people would ask if we were there. It took alot of stop the rumors. I ws lucky enough that my boyfriend was backing us up and he was well liked and respected.
A big thing to remember is that a bad reputation is hard to live down, deserved or not. Look into it closely, do you like him enough that you can handle the crap that will come with it?

He may be someone who has made up stories to make his friends believe he has done it. At your age that is so impressive.. When in fact he may have never done the wild thing at all. Kids do tell stories to impress their friends or to feel like they fit in. Back in the day I was a pretty hot chick and people came to the conclution that I did the wild thing. All on their own.. I had not and boys thought I was easy.. Really just becuase I had boobs and looked older then I was..

As far as friends go. A real friend would not try to control your life. They would say something if you told them you were in a bad situation.. That might be a real friend if they talked to you about it and did not say "I will not be your friend if you do this or that".. I would be looking at my so called friends, proceed with caution and an open mind, not do anything I did not want to do and dump any so called friends that tell me who I can hang out with..

This does not change much when you get older.. It really is about jealousy and who gets more of your attention. If you have not had a boy friend they may feel threatened about he will get more of your attention. You need to follow your heart and do what is best for you..

Keep one very important thing in mind. Judge people by what they do and not what they say.. Actions will always speek louder then words.. You can pick out the Bull Shi!!er and the honest person. Some who have a reputation have never done a single thing wrong.. Just watch their interactions with other people and how they take crare of themselves.. If he is self centered and does not walk the talk get away from him..

Well an update.

Having been around him for a while, Ive come to the conclusion that most people are wrong about him. Hes fun to be around, but he isnt "crazy". Were talking right now and not really going out yet. He comes with me to lunch and since its Spring Break, Ive picked him up and work to take him to lunch. But hes a cool guy and I think I just need a little more time to watch him, but I havent seen anything "crazy" so far.

I was wondering... so what's your parents say?

Good deal to just sit back and pay attention..

He met my dad yesterday. Lol instead of rather just staying with him, I like him and everything but I dont really click with his personality... After all this trouble I think I might just stay friends with this one...

My dad said he seemed ok though.

When Jealously rears its ugle head or someone gets mad, All kinds of rumors fly. As far as your friends go, IF they were friends, Why would they be mad at you over someone else. Are they really friends??? I' m proud to say that I was a virgin when I was married. But sure wasnt the rumor! If he asks you to do something your not comfortable with, then Dont! If he says, it you dont them were over, well BE OVER.. And He can GET OVER IT! You have the power of you life, Not your friends or some guy. Remember to say true to yourself. You have to live with you. Parents are a pretty good guide, remember believe it or not they have been there and done that.. Listen to them. After all they love you for you.

Now I really feel like the girl who cant make up her mind. Im sorry I bothered all of yall with this.... Anyway we started going out on Monday so were officially a couple. Hes acctually really sweet and hes met my parents. So well see how everything goes...

Heck your not bothering us. Some of us were young once, and some of us are still young, even if its at heart. Hee Hee... Keep us updated.